It was very much a fall day today, drizzle with grey skies. Today was 'visit' day for my foster babies. I am sure that the birthmoms look forward to these days, but for me they are always a little emotional. I end up feeling like the day looked; grey, with a little drizzle.

Each Monday and Thursday I wind up this road to an old Indian Residential School, that was closed in 1984, and later became the offices of the Aboriginal Ministry for Children and Families.

I drop one baby off for a two hour visit, and feel considerably lighter with only the other one in tow. I usually have a coffee from Tim Hortons, and do some grocery shopping.

Then I pick the first one up; Mom is happy today. She always likes to change her baby into a new outfit during the visit, so I make sure I put one in the baby bag for her to do that.

Then I go back home, spend a few hours tidying up, and then it is off to drop baby #2 off for her visit. This visit always makes me feel a little blue. Mom and dad love their baby, but life is hard for them. I always make sure I dress this one really cute, and make her smell real good.

My job is hard work. I must take two very heavy car seats out of a two door toyota 4runner 8 times a day by the time I have done all my errands taken my daughter to school etc. I sometimes feel tied down, like the other day when I wanted to go into a new clothing store that I found, but couldn't because I had the 'babies'. Sometimes our friends who are empty nesters call and ask us to come out for a drink, or a motocycle ride, and mostly we have to say no these days.

I have to say that I do this as a job, and the money is good, but there is more to it than that. I cant describe the feeling that I have when I bring the babies to their parents for a visit. I'm honoured that they are the parents, but I am doing the parenting. I feel humbled that I have a job that I believe is the most important job in the world, and I have it over the natural parents. Sometimes the moms will say things like, "her socks are too tight,". "She doesn't like this nipple". I know that it is their way of saying this is my baby, you have her, but she's mine.

In my heart, I say,"I know shes yours dear. I will love her, and believe it or not, I am even growing to love you, so I dont mind if you are a little defensive towards me". Most of the moms I have known were once babies in foster care themselves. They are doing the best they know how at the moment, and I am blessed to let them know that I dont judge them.

This has been a heavy post, but like I said Mondays and Thursdays are heavy days for me. Tuesdays coming, and I'm going to kick back, and have some fun. Not sure how I am going to accomplish that, but I'll let you know.